Blog Post #105: March 17, 1995

March 17, 1995, St. Patrick’s Day, my wife of 30 years and mother of my two daughters, was murdered by a recovering drug addict that the church, where she was working that Friday, who had hired him as a custodian to help with his recovery. The murder was unintentional. He was only attempting to make her unconscious so he could steal from her purse to get more money for drugs. It was quite a shock to our family and to me, and because it happened in a church, it was on the local news the whole next week. The young man was apprehended and is still serving time in the Oklahoma penitentiary.  But I was inspired by my Lord to maintain an attitude of forgiveness when interviewed even though I was under considerable duress.

Today I was going through some old papers and ran across this document and knew I had to share it with everyone. So I hope God blesses you through this testimony.

On March 25, eight days later [after the murder], I wrote the following: “This evening I took the picture that had been used by the media and set it on her desk under her lamp. I stuck a small plastic decoration heart to the front of her. I took a moment to look at it before retiring.  I was kind of talking to her when the picture seemed to glisten and radiate. Her eyes seemed to twinkle and her smile was animated. Her appearance was of radiant joy, peace, confidence, wholeness, freedom, and holy mirth. She was more free and full of joy and peace and confidence than I have ever known her to be. Her radiance reflected a freedom from all that had bound her and limited her in life.

“I felt her saying to my spirit that she was pleased and honored by all that her death was accomplishing. She was proud of her husband and the way he stood up for the faith that she had lived and died for. I had been troubled earlier in the week by feelings of guilt for all the things I had not done for her that I could have, but at that moment from her there was no sense of blame, only great joy, pleasure, and honor. It removed every sense of doubt that I had. I knew all the ways I had erred were completely and totally forgiven, but more than that I was accepted as I am with joy and honor even in spite of my faults.

“Although the vision of her risen self through the picture only lasted a few seconds, it communicated a lifelong message from the Lord we love Himself. When the next day, the guest musician in the worship service sang so eloquently of Christ’s coming and our meeting Him in the air, tears streamed down both my cheeks and I sang out, ‘Yes, Lord, come; let’s go!’ I look forward to being in that place where Kennalee is and feeling the same joy and radiance I saw in her face in the picture. Clearly she was fully healed of all her infirmities and crowned with a joy and grace that only comes from ‘seeing Him face to face!’ Hallelujah!

—

“After several days passing, I have looked at that picture several times and it has always just been a picture, a good picture, but nevertheless just a picture. I believe God allowed Kennalee to stay here for a while to encourage us. I believe He allowed her spirit to be in her picture that Saturday night to speak to me a message of hope, acceptance, love, and empowerment. Now I suspect she is not here any more, except maybe occasionally, and is walking in radiant joy with her father and Helen [a special friend from our days at Wheaton who died of breast cancer] and other departed friends and family and especially the saints of old and the Lord Jesus Himself.”