I am still feeling the pain and sadness of the rejection, but Jesus has shown me what I have to do. At the very height of His rejection, He prayed, “Father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing.” I, too, can ask God to forgive my accusers, they do not know what they have done. But I would prefer that they receive justice themselves or turn and cancel their rejection of me, affirming me for the good I have done. But Jesus didn’t ask that. If I want to follow in His footsteps, I cannot long for that either. Ultimately, everyone will bow to the name of Jesus, but that is not true of me (as far as I know or can hope for). But that doesn’t exempt me from echoing His prayer for my accusers. He expects me to forgive them fully and not seek justice. I am to leave that up to Him and be content in Him only. It is going to take a good work of grace, but I know God is capable of giving me that grace and He will. So Father, please forgive my accusers for the harm they have done to me. Instead bless them, and cause them to be grateful for you also. I am sure they have tormentors in their lives, too, so help them have the grace to forgive their tormenters also that you may be glorified. Not my will, but yours be done. Amen.
Then the Lord showed me that the reason I am feeling the sorrow and loss is because I am dwelling in the past. He wants me to exist with Him in the present, neither in the past nor the future. If I dwell in the present, I will not think about the good I have done that my accusers don’t recognize, but allow that with my pride to have been nailed to the cross. So what if I have done good that is being ignored. The good was good at the time it was done, and now that is over and finished. It is pride of self that makes me want to be recognized and appreciated. God appreciates me for what I have done. That is to be good enough. So Lord please help me give up all pride in the good I have done and focus only on what we are doing together this day and this hour, living neither in the past or the future, but allowing all that took place, good and bad, to be as filthy rags nailed to the cross. And the future is completely in God’s hands and the future He has for me will happen because of a sequence of times of being present with Him. For me at this time, the focus must be on surrendering all pride of the past to him.
One more thing is, why has all this happened? It is just like all other pains of my past: my parents’ not accepting the new spirit in me after I accepted Jesus into my life, being misunderstood and devalued by a previous employer (twice), the murder of my first wife. Others have experienced similar things at one time or another. God allowed me to experience them so I could take His love to others in similar situations and help them see Him through the troubles and allow His Spirit to heal them and drive them. So I hope what I have shared here helps someone else facing similar trials to receive the Lord’s love and acceptance in a new way and be healed and strengthened as a result. We serve a very good and wonderful and loving and powerful Lord. Praise be to Him. Alleluia!